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  • Writer's pictureKiki Maree

V is for Virgin

Unraveling the Myth of Virginity: How It's a Social Construct and Dispelling Hymen Misconceptions


Virginity is a concept that has been deeply ingrained in societies around the world for centuries. Often seen as a marker of purity, innocence, or moral integrity, it has come to define the sexuality of countless individuals, particularly women. But what if I told you that virginity is, in fact, a social construct? And that the hymen, a misunderstood part of the female body, is not an accurate indicator of sexual experience?


In this blog post, we will explore the origins of virginity as a concept, why it's a social construct, and debunk some of the most common myths surrounding the hymen.


The Origin of Virginity as a Concept

To understand the concept of virginity, we need to go back in time and examine its historical roots. Throughout history, virginity has been assigned great value in various societies, often as a means of controlling women's sexuality and maintaining patriarchal power structures. In ancient Rome, for instance, the Vestal Virgins were priestesses who were supposed to remain virgins to maintain their spiritual purity and ensure the well-being of the city.


While the importance of virginity has varied across different cultures and time periods, one common thread is the idea that a woman's worth and honour are tied to her sexual purity. This has led to harmful consequences, such as victim-blaming in cases of sexual assault and the ostracisation of women who are deemed to have lost their virginity before marriage.


Virginity as a Social Construct

The idea of virginity as a social construct is based on the understanding that there is no universal, biological definition of what it means to be a virgin. The concept of virginity is shaped by cultural, religious, and social factors, and its importance and definition vary widely depending on the context.


In some cultures, virginity is defined by the absence of sexual intercourse, while in others, it might be determined by the presence of an intact hymen. This inconsistency highlights the fact that virginity is not a biological or medical reality but a societal belief that varies across different communities.


In in other cultures, the term virgin has nothing at all to do with one's sexual status. It instead refers to "a woman unto herself" and is said to be the original meaning of the term "virgin". A woman unto herself had mean a woman who was empowered in all aspects of being, particularly in her sexuality. This meaning is often cited as coming from ancient cultures and pre-Christian religious practices.


I love this etymology, and one way that I like to reclaim the term virginity with this definition in mind is to refer to virginity as something I shared (rather than lost or gave away). I also like to say that this sharing of virginity was done for the first time when I experienced pleasure in my body in a consensual connection. This reframing is also a way I help clients who were sexually assaulted at a young age to reclaim their power.


While it is challenging to pinpoint specific resources that directly address this idea, some books and articles discuss the broader context of female spirituality, goddess worship, and the evolving meaning of virginity throughout history. Some of these resources include:


You can find more information on this concept via the resources below:

  1. "The Chalice and the Blade: Our History, Our Future" by Riane Eisler: This book explores the historical shift from partnership societies that revered goddesses and women's roles to patriarchal societies. Eisler delves into the evolution of female spirituality and the original meaning of virginity.

  2. "The Dance of the Dissident Daughter: A Woman's Journey from Christian Tradition to the Sacred Feminine" by Sue Monk Kidd: This memoir details the author's journey of self-discovery and her exploration of the sacred feminine. While not directly addressing the term "virgin," it provides insights into the broader context of female spirituality.

  3. "The Women's Encyclopedia of Myths and Secrets" by Barbara G. Walker: This comprehensive encyclopedia covers a wide range of topics related to women's mythology and spirituality, including virginity and goddess worship.

  4. "The Great Cosmic Mother: Rediscovering the Religion of the Earth" by Monica Sjöö and Barbara Mor: This book delves into the history of goddess worship and the ancient cultures that valued women's roles, potentially offering insights into the meaning of "a woman unto herself."

  5. "The Once and Future Goddess: A Sweeping Visual Chronicle of the Sacred Female and Her Reemergence in the Cult" by Elinor W. Gadon: This visually stunning book examines the role of the goddess and the sacred feminine throughout history, touching on topics like the evolving meaning of virginity.

While these resources may not directly address the phrase "a woman unto herself" in the context of the term "virgin," they provide valuable insights into the broader historical and cultural context of female spirituality and the changing meaning of virginity over time.


Let's now explore the myths of the hymen, one of the most focused on aspects of female virginity:


The Hymen: Dispelling Common Myths

The hymen is a thin membrane that partially covers the entrance to the vagina. It is often misunderstood and inaccurately associated with virginity. Let's debunk some of the most common myths surrounding the hymen.


Myth #1: An intact hymen indicates virginity.

Fact: The state of a woman's hymen is not a reliable indicator of her sexual history. Hymens come in various shapes and sizes, and some women are even born without one. Furthermore, the hymen can stretch or tear for reasons unrelated to sexual activity, such as using tampons, exercising, or engaging in sports.


Myth #2: All women bleed during their first sexual encounter.

Fact: Not all women bleed when they have sex for the first time. The belief that bleeding is a sure sign of losing one's virginity is based on the misconception that the hymen always covers the vaginal opening and must be broken during intercourse. However, the hymen is often flexible and can stretch without tearing, making bleeding during sex far from a universal experience.


Myth #3: The hymen must be "broken" during the first sexual encounter.

Fact: The hymen does not need to be "broken" or torn for sexual intercourse to occur. As mentioned earlier, the hymen is often elastic and can stretch to accommodate penetration. Moreover, the idea that the hymen must be "broken" contributes to the belief that a woman's first sexual experience should be painful, which is not the case for many women.


Myth #4: Virginity testing is a valid method to determine a woman's sexual history.

Fact: Virginity testing, which often involves examining a woman's hymen, is not a reliable method for determining her sexual history. Such tests are invasive, unscientific, and can cause significant emotional and physical harm to the individual being tested. The World Health Organization (WHO) has condemned virginity testing as a violation of human rights.


You can learn more about hymens, hymen types and hymen variants in my blog post "H is for Hymen".


Virginity throughout History

The concept of virginity has been present in human societies for millennia, evolving and adapting over time. Although the significance of virginity has varied across different cultures and time periods, it has often been associated with notions of purity, innocence, and moral integrity. Let's explore how the concept of virginity has manifested itself throughout history.


Ancient Civilizations

  1. Ancient Egypt: In ancient Egyptian culture, virginity was not as significant as it was in other societies. Sexual activity before marriage was not strictly prohibited, and premarital relationships were somewhat accepted. However, once married, fidelity was expected from both partners.

  2. Ancient Rome: In ancient Rome, virginity was highly valued, particularly for unmarried women. The Vestal Virgins, for instance, were priestesses who were required to maintain their virginity to ensure the city's safety and prosperity. Roman brides were expected to be virgins, and the loss of virginity before marriage could bring shame upon a woman's family.

  3. Ancient Greece: Virginity was also valued in ancient Greek society, with unmarried women expected to remain chaste. The concept of virginity was often associated with goddesses like Artemis and Athena, who were revered for their purity and independence.


Medieval Europe

During the Middle Ages, the concept of virginity became intertwined with religious doctrine. The Catholic Church placed a strong emphasis on sexual purity, particularly for women. Virginity was seen as a symbol of moral superiority, and the Virgin Mary was held up as the ultimate example of chastity and purity. Women who remained virgins were often believed to possess special spiritual powers.

The Middle Ages also saw the emergence of the concept of courtly love, in which knights were expected to maintain a chaste, idealized love for a noblewoman. This further reinforced the association between virginity and purity.

Renaissance and Early Modern Period

During the Renaissance, societal attitudes towards virginity began to shift. While virginity was still valued, there was an increasing emphasis on the importance of marriage and the role of women as wives and mothers. This period also saw the emergence of new scientific and medical knowledge that began to challenge traditional beliefs about virginity and the female body.


Victorian Era

The Victorian era witnessed a resurgence of conservative attitudes towards virginity and sexuality, particularly in the British Empire. Strict societal norms dictated that women should be modest, chaste, and sexually inexperienced before marriage. This period also saw the rise of the "cult of domesticity," which placed women in the role of moral guardians of the home.


20th and 21st Centuries

During the 20th century, attitudes towards virginity began to shift as a result of social, cultural, and political changes. The sexual revolution of the 1960s and 1970s, for instance, challenged traditional notions of virginity and sexual morality. Over time, the importance placed on virginity has decreased in many societies, and conversations about sexuality have become more open and inclusive.


Despite these changes, the concept of virginity continues to hold significance in various cultures and religions around the world. It is important to recognize that virginity is a social construct, shaped by cultural, religious, and social factors, and that it is not an accurate indicator of a person's worth or moral character. By examining the history of virginity, we can better understand how societal beliefs and expectations about sexuality have evolved and continue to impact our lives today.


The Dangers of the Idea of Virginity

The concept of virginity as a social construct has numerous negative consequences for individuals and society at large. Some of the main dangers associated with the idea of virginity include:

  1. Reinforcing gender inequality: The importance placed on virginity often disproportionately affects women, contributing to a double standard in which women's worth is tied to their perceived sexual purity. This perpetuates harmful stereotypes and expectations for women, such as the need to be submissive, passive, or inexperienced in sexual matters.

  2. Stigmatizing and shaming: Women who are deemed to have lost their virginity before marriage or outside of a committed relationship may face stigma, ridicule, and even ostracization from their communities. This can lead to mental health issues, such as depression, anxiety, and feelings of worthlessness.

  3. Encouraging harmful practices: The belief in the importance of virginity can lead to harmful practices, such as "honor killings" or female genital mutilation, which are aimed at preserving a woman's perceived purity. Additionally, the insistence on virginity can prevent young people from accessing comprehensive sex education, which is crucial for fostering healthy relationships, preventing sexually transmitted infections, and understanding one's own body.

  4. Promoting unhealthy relationships: The emphasis on virginity can contribute to the development of unhealthy and even abusive relationships. It can pressure individuals into early marriages or staying in unhealthy partnerships simply to maintain their perceived purity. This can also lead to a lack of open communication between partners about their sexual needs and desires, leading to dissatisfaction and resentment.

  5. Disregarding the importance of consent: The focus on virginity can overshadow the importance of consent in sexual relationships, which should be the foundation of all sexual encounters. When the emphasis is placed on the act of losing one's virginity, the conversation about consent and mutual respect may be pushed to the sidelines, leading to unhealthy and potentially harmful experiences.

The concept of virginity as a social construct has far-reaching consequences that can negatively impact individuals and society as a whole. By debunking the myths surrounding the hymen and understanding the dangers associated with the idea of virginity, we can work towards promoting a more inclusive and healthy understanding of human sexuality. This involves fostering a culture of respect, consent, and open communication, which empowers individuals to make informed decisions about their bodies and sexual experiences.

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