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  • Writer's pictureKiki Maree

S is for Sex Coach

"Oh you're a sex coach! That's a job? Wow... where do I sign up?"

Yes ... it's all fun and games, until a sex coach has to gain experiential wisdom of the sexual issues that they are to help people with!


And that is not always easy, pretty or welcomed.


Generally speaking, sex coaches go through many different initiations into the field of sexuality to do the work that we do.


To be a good coach, it is simply not enough to logically or intellectually understand how to approach different sexual issues.


To do so would be like teaching someone to swim just because you understand how swimming works, but without ever actually doing it. Without feeling the body's weight and buoyancy, without feeling the resistance of the water, and without co-ordinating the breath with swimming strokes. Essentially without ever actually getting into the water with the student ... who would therefore likely drown without their teacher'.


As sex coaches, as good sex coaches, we need to get our hands dirty, or ... wet in this analogy.


And there is nothing dirtier, or wetter, than sex.


Below are just some of the initiations that I have personally experienced in this field, both before coming a sex coach and since:


Sexual abuse.

Inadequate sexual education.

Fetishes.

Rape.

Partner's with erectile disfunction, rapid ejaculation and delayed ejaculation.

Arousal non-concordance.

Slut shaming.

Internalised misogyny.

STIs.

Body image issues.

Lacking in communication skills.

Patriarchy

Partners on the spectrum.

Loose boundaries.

Same sex attraction.

Sex work.

Men's entitlement over womben's bodies.

Obsessive and compulsive tendencies.

Chronic pain.

Hormonal imbalances and fluctuations.


And I know my journey is yet to be complete, as sexuality is cyclic, fluid, and ever-expanding in exploring its edge. I can never know everything there is to know about human sexuality, therefore I will always be learning, both intellectually and experientially. My desires may change. My hormones will change. My relationship will change. My body will change. And with all of these changes new lessons will come. Some more comfortable than others.


I can't tell you how many times that I have gone through a huge process in my sexuality, only to get a new client the following week with the exact same issue that I had just worked through. It is literally like clockwork. Which is something that I try to remind myself each time I come up against a new hurdle in sex... that what I am experiencing is not only going to benefit me, but also make me a better coach.


Don't get me wrong, in my opinion to be a good sex coach, you also have to have experiential wisdom in deeply satisfying, intimate, connected, adventurous, healing, fun, and super hot sex.


No doubt.


Which I feel is exactly what these initiations in our sexuality brings us. They essentially create enough friction for us to make the necessary changes needed to access what we know in our bones to be our birthrite- pleasure, ecstasy and bliss. They show us what is on the other side of pain. They create space for the appreciation of bliss.


What is the saying? No mud no lotus? Fitting as another wet and dirty analogy :)


So for those of you who have felt the call to support other's in their sexuality, know this.

Your initiations to date were not for nothing.

Your sex will likely always be your teacher.

Your sex will unlikely be always easy and always perfect.


Your sex will, however, become your guide to your authenticity.

It will be your gauge of your life-force.

It will be your north.


You will understand that sex is life and life is sex- that the way you fuck is the way you live. That each time you show up for yourself in your sexuality, you create radical change in your life beyond the bedroom.


And you remember that sexual energy is your creative, catalyst, life-force energy, and therefore make your sexuality a priority.


You become one with your sex.


It is no longer a seperate part of you, for a seperate time of the day, for seperate occasions.


Each of your cells reawakens to its truth of ever-presence. You make love with all of life.


Which isn't always pleasure-filled ecstatic bliss. In fact it can be everything but!


Though it is LIFE.

It is RADIANCE.

It is PRESENCE.

It is TRUTH.


And I would personally not give that up for the world.


Much love to you alllll

Kiki xxxx


P.S. If you feel your body screaming I WANT IN I have a fully accredited Sex Coach Training course available here. Take a look and contact me if it feels to be a fit <3





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