Updated: Apr 5
Human beings are often craving deep intimacy though we are terrified of it.
Some partners can't even hold eye contact with each other, let alone bare their soul!
However, the more we share intimate space with our beloved/s (and see that we can indeed survive it!), and the more intimate we become with ourselves, the more likely we are to be able to comfortably sit in deep and profound intimacy with our partners.
Vulnerability is an integral part of intimacy, and we must be prepared to bare all of our selves to our lover, to share our most intimate parts, both our shadow and our light. What is the point in having a relationship if we can't do this? After all, our relationships are what help us to see these shadows, and to love and accept them regardless of how "ugly" they are, creating space to emotionally mature, integrate and evolve beyond our wounded selves.
We must also be prepared to hold space for our beloved to share the deepest parts of their soul also. To feel safe, held and accepted. This can be difficult for the partner who sits more in the feminine polarity, and may need to be worked on as a new skill for some. To learn how to not take things personally, to allow another to be soft, to simply listen and hold space.
There are many different ways to explore intimacy with ourselves and with out beloved. I have written up a list of 10 for you below to feel into and perhaps practice.
Talk about interpersonal issues or fears that may be coming between you and your partner, inhibiting tru intimacy.
Carve out a day of the week, an hour in the day, some moments of the hour to have true intimacy with your partner.
Have a list of things that you would like to do with your partner on these days of intimacy.
Get comfortable with eye contact.
Create a tool kit that can help to encourage intimacy- lingerie, sex toys, 2 player games, body chocolate, body paint, bath oils, massage candles.
Explore the polarity dynamic between you both, find where they may be some imbalances and remedy them.
Create space and time to be intimate with yourself. Seduce yourself. Draw yourself. Pleasure yourself. Journal. Be honest with yourself.
Have a NO PHONE ZONE- the bedroom is a great place for this.
Have a PLEASURE ZONE in your home with all of the things that bring you pleasure, so you can take yourself there whenever you need to bring more pleasure in your life.
Include aphrodisiacs into your diet/routine/rituals- cayenne pepper, cacao, damiana, oysters, ylang ylang.
In our fast-paced, sex-negative society, distracted and oftentimes superficial society intimacy can take some time to master.
And it isn't always going to be comfortable.
There are probably going to be tears.
There may be some uncomfortable emotions and conversations, and there will be some raw truths (you can't hide in intimacy).
There may even be break-ups (or break-throughs) in your relationships.
But that isn't something to shy away from!
You deserve what is right and suitable for you!
You deserve what your soul is craving and what intimacy will bring you.
True intimacy with self and others is all I crave from life and all I wish for my beautiful human family.
I love you all! Kiki xx