Vibrating Sex Toy Manual

A User's Guide

Vibrators can sometimes be seen as the antithesis of our sensuality, our sexual evolution etc. However, this in my personal experience, and in my experience with my clients over the last 8 years, is only true when vibe usage is done in ways that do not support our sexual health.

In this manual I have included:

• vibing benefits when done in a sexually supportive way

• desensitisation - myth or fact?

• vibe safety

• best practices for vibing

• cyclic vibing

Vibing Benefits:

1. Enhances Sexual Pleasure:

• To increase arousal and sexual gratification.

• As a means of exploring one's body and discovering what types of stimulation are most enjoyable.

• To add variety and excitement to solo or partnered sexual activities.

2. As Part of Sexual Exploration:

• For individuals learning about their sexual preferences and responses.

• As a tool for partners to explore different aspects of their sexual relationship.

3. Assistance with Sexual Dysfunction:

• For individuals experiencing difficulties with arousal or orgasm.

• As a therapeutic tool in sex therapy, under the guidance of a professional, to address specific sexual issues.

4. Menopause and Aging:

• To help alleviate sexual symptoms associated with menopause, such as decreased libido or vaginal dryness.

• To maintain sexual health and pleasure in later life.

5. Physical Disabilities or Health Conditions:

• For individuals with physical disabilities or health conditions that make traditional sexual activities challenging.

• As an aid for those with limited mobility or dexterity.

6. Post-Surgical or Postpartum Recovery:

• As part of recovery after certain surgeries, like a hysterectomy, where sexual sensation or response may have changed.

• To gently regain sexual comfort and confidence after childbirth, when appropriate and after consultation with a healthcare provider.

7. Stress Relief and Relaxation:

• To relieve stress and tension, as sexual stimulation can release endorphins and other feel-good hormones.

• For relaxation, as orgasms can have a calming and relaxing effect.

8. Improving Sleep:

• For some, sexual activity and orgasms can promote relaxation and better sleep.

9. Relationship Intimacy:

• To enhance intimacy and connection in a relationship.

• As a tool for couples to explore new dimensions of their sexual life.

10. Period Pain/pain Relief:

• Some find that orgasms can help alleviate menstrual cramps discomfort and other types of pain.

11. Self-Care and Body Positivity:

• As a form of self-care and a way to foster a positive relationship with one's body.

• To boost body confidence and self-esteem through self-pleasure.

12. Education and Research:

• In a research context, to study sexual response and physiology.

• For educational purposes, such as in sex education settings to demonstrate the diversity of sexual experiences.

13. Long-Distance Relationships:

• For partners in long-distance relationships, as a means of maintaining a sexual connection.

13. Exploration of Different Sensations:

• To experience a variety of sensations that may not be achievable through manual stimulation or traditional sexual activities.

Desensitisation, myth of fact?

Yes, desensitisation can occur, however in almost every single case, desensitisation is temporary. The science behind how vibrators affect our ability to feel, including potential numbness and other sensations, involves understanding the interaction between the nervous system, especially the sensory nerves, and the mechanical stimulation provided by vibrators.

Nerve Stimulation and Adaptation:

• Vibrators provide concentrated, repetitive, and often intense stimulation to the sensory nerves in the genital area.

• Sensory nerves are designed to respond to stimulation, but with prolonged or intense exposure to the same stimulus, they can become less responsive. This phenomenon is known as nerve adaptation or sensory adaptation.

• When a nerve cell is overstimulated, it can temporarily "tune out" the stimulus to avoid overloading the nervous system, leading to a temporary reduction in sensation or numbness.

Increased Blood Flow:

• Vibrator use can increase blood flow to the stimulated area. This increased blood flow can heighten sensitivity initially, but prolonged use can lead to temporary desensitization as the nerve endings 'get used to' the increased blood flow and stimulation.

Desensitization and Tolerance:

• With regular and prolonged use of high-intensity vibration, the body can develop a tolerance to this form of stimulation. This means that higher intensity or longer duration might be needed to achieve the same level of sensory pleasure, leading to a cycle of increased use.

• Desensitization is typically temporary. Normal sensitivity usually returns after a period of reduced or no vibrator use.

Psychological Factors:

• The psychological aspect of pleasure and sensation should not be overlooked. Habituation to a specific type of stimulation (like that from a vibrator) can lead to a mental expectation of what pleasure should feel like, potentially affecting how other forms of stimulation are perceived and enjoyed.

Individual Differences:

• Everyone's body responds differently to stimulation. Factors like individual nerve sensitivity, personal health, and even psychological factors play a significant role in how a vibrator affects sensation.

It's important to note that while temporary numbness or decreased sensitivity can occur with frequent or intense vibrator use, these effects are generally not permanent. To avoid potential issues, it is recommended to use vibrators in moderation, vary the type and area of stimulation, and take breaks from vibrator use to allow the sensory nerves to 'reset.' If there are concerns about changes in sensation or sexual function, consulting a healthcare provider is advised.

Vibe Safety

The question of safety around vibrator usage, and the potential for any kind of permanent damage depends on several factors, including the quality of the product, how it's used, and individual physiology. Here are some key points to consider:

Quality and Regulation of Vibrators:

• In many countries, sex toys like vibrators are not regulated to the same degree as medical devices. This can lead to variability in quality and safety.

• Poorly made vibrators might not adhere to safety standards regarding materials, construction, or electrical safety, potentially leading to risks such as allergic reactions, burns, or electrical shocks.

Intensity and Usage:

• Excessively intense or prolonged use of vibrators can lead to temporary numbness or desensitization due to overstimulation of nerve endings. However, permanent damage from this is unlikely if the product is used responsibly.

• Vibrators that are extremely powerful or used aggressively over a long period might increase the risk of tissue damage or prolonged desensitization, but cases of permanent damage are rare.

Physical Harm:

• Physical injury, such as tears or irritation, can occur with improper use of a vibrator, especially if it is used forcefully or without adequate lubrication.

• Infections can arise from using unclean vibrators or sharing them without proper cleaning.

Personal Health Factors:

• Individuals with certain medical conditions or sensitivities might be more susceptible to negative effects from vibrator use.

Importance of Safe Use:

• It's crucial to follow safety guidelines, such as using lubrication, starting with lower intensity, not using the vibrator for extended periods, and keeping the vibrator clean.

• Paying attention to how your body feels during and after use is important. Any persistent discomfort, pain, or changes in sensitivity should be discussed with a healthcare professional.

In summary, while the risk of permanent damage from vibrator use is generally low, especially with responsible use, it's important to choose quality products and be mindful of personal health and safety practices. If there are any concerns about the effects of vibrator use, consulting with a healthcare provider is advisable.

Best Vibing Practices

Practice # 1

Use the vibrator on all of the vulva, as much as you can- not only the glans clitoris, clitoral shaft, or wherever else is your go-to.

Practice # 2

Simulate partnered pleasure while using your vibrating toy- recreate positions that you would be in while in partnered pleasure.

Practice # 3

Alternate between using your hand on some days, non vibrational tools on others, and your vibrator on other days (details on this below).

Practice # 4

Edge yourself - don’t go “hard and fast”. Build the pleasure to an arousal sensation of anywhere between 4 and 7/8 out of 10. Do this as many times as you can for at least 20 minutes. This will give your body enough time to release the healing neurotransmitters and hormones that your body is craving.

Practice # 5

Use deep breathes, movement of the hips and torso and loud moans to spread the sexual energy around the body.

Practice # 6

Explore external and internal play, making both areas a priority.

Practice # 7

Explore vibrational pleasure on special occasions or during times of necessity (feeling unwell, unable to have a clitoral orgasm without one, would like more external stimulation during envelopmental (aka penetrative) penis in vagina sex).

Practice # 8

Find a non-vibrating toy, (I LOVE the mango juicer!) Or try the sacred squirter, the Cervix Serpent, crystal dildos, and/or silicone dildos.

Practice # 9

Listen to your inner knowing. You know what your body needs, what your body can handle, what is right for you.

Cyclic Vibing

Understanding Your Menstrual Cycle:

• Menstruation and Follicular Phase (Days 1-14):

  • Description: Begins with the first day of menstruation and ends with ovulation.

  • Hormonal Activity: Rising estrogen levels.

  • Vibrator Use: As this is a "dry" phase and we may feel less sensitive during this time, bringing in a vibrator can be beneficial. PLUS, it can also help with relaxation and may alleviate menstrual cramps.

Ovulatory Phase (Days 11ish-15ish, approx.):

• Description: Release of an egg from the ovaries.

• Hormonal Activity: Peak in estrogen and luteinizing hormone.

• Vibrator Use: This is a wet phase, and a time we may find ourselves more sexually sensitive, we can use this sensitivity and swap out our vibes for our fingers.

Early Luteal Phase (Days 15ish-21ish):

• Description: Post ovulation phase.

• Hormonal Activity: Increase in progesterone, decrease in estrogen.

• Vibrator Use: As we are still in a wet phase, we can keep going with our acoustic-styled self pleasure.

Late/deep Luteal Phase (Days 22ish-28ish):

• Description: Pre-menstrual phase.

• Hormonal Activity: Estrogen and progesterone levels decrease.

• Vibrator Use: As this is a dry phase and we may be feeling less seually sensitive, we can bring back in the vibe to support our sensitivity. Self pleasure during this phase can work wonders wit relieving pre-menstrual tension and mood swings, so if bringing in a vibe means you will actually self pleasure, DO IT!

And again, as always, listen to your body and your needs, as this is simply a guideline xx

Healthy Porn Manual

A user’s guide

Over the years I have spent researching and working in the field of sexuality I have encountered the problem of unhealthy usage of porn time and time again.

As I work almost exclusively with females it is more often than not that the partner’s of my clients are the ones using porn in unhealthy ways, which affects not only their sex lives, but the sex lives of my clients also.

You may wonder, what are unhealthy porn habits and how do these unhealthy porn habits form?

Unfortunately access to porn is acquired by penis owners at a very young age without any guidance on how to use porn in a healthy way. This results in young males creating some unhealthy habits when it comes to self pleasure, sexuality and of course porn usage, without them even realising it is happening.

These habits form neural pathways of pleasure (I will go into the science around this below) for these penis owners, which in their teen and adult years can affect both their sexual satisfaction, as well as the sexual satisfaction of their partners.

That being said, there are obviously many vulva havers that also use porn, and who may also benefit from creating more healthy porn usage practices.

Porn, or what I like to call erotica can, however, be extremely useful in our sexuality and a beautiful tool to use in our self pleasure as well as our partnered pleasure, and healthy porn practices ensure sustainable and pleasure enhancing experiences with our usage of porn.

In this manual below I have included: 1. unhealthy porn habits

2. neuroplasticity & porn

3. healthy porn habits & resources

Unhealthy Porn Habits

Below are just some of the unhealthy porn habits experienced by young males:

• Ejaculating as quickly as possible before their parents walk into the bedroom and catch them in not only a personal moment, but also oftentimes when watching something that would be embarrassing for them.

• Gripping the penis hard without lubrication and jerking hard and fast in order to orgasm quickly.

• Opening up multiple tabs on their phone or computer with various porn scenes and actors in order to access the most amount of dopamine in a very unnatural way.

• Conditioning as to what sex is supposed to look and sound like.

The common problem found with all of these above-mentioned habits is that none of them represent what real sex looks and feels like as an adult:

• There is no danger of getting caught (besides creating a scene to intentionally have this experience). It is ok, in fact in everyone's best interest to take time.

• A yoni is lubricated (if making love with yoni owners) and does not grip as tight as the “death grip” (some yoni structures grip tighter than others though that's another topic entirely).

• It is impossible to sustain the hard and fast movement practiced with porn in order to ejaculate quickly for very long with a partner (the experience of which can feel blissful at times, while at other times can feel numb or even painful, and like one is being used as an object to masturbate into).

• Lastly, having sexual encounters with multiple people and scenes simultaneously is not often carried out in real life.

• Pleasurable sex for both parties often looks very different than what is portrayed in porn, including sexual positions, caressing (or lack thereof), sounds, extent of foreplay, and the variety of experiences that can be sex. Unfortunately however, this does become a reality for a lot of porn watchers and their partners.

Neuroplacticity & Porn

The use of pornography, like many behaviors, can have negative consequences if it turns into an unhealthy habit. The concept of neural plasticity, which refers to the brain's ability to change and adapt as a result of experience, plays a significant role in understanding these dangers. Here are specific concerns grounded in the concept of neural plasticity and other scientific considerations:

Desensitization and Tolerance:

• Regular consumption of pornography can lead to desensitization. This means that over time, a person may require more intense, frequent, or varied pornographic material to achieve the same level of arousal or satisfaction.

• This phenomenon is akin to the development of tolerance seen with substance use, where the brain's reward system becomes less responsive to the same stimulus.

Altered Reward System Sensitivity:

• Dopamine is a neurotransmitter associated with pleasure and reward. Watching pornography can cause surges in dopamine.

• Over time, with repeated exposure, the brain's reward circuitry adapts to these surges, potentially diminishing the response to other rewarding activities and affecting overall motivation and pleasure in daily life.

Impact on Sexual Functioning:

• Regular porn use, especially when it becomes a substitute for real-life sexual experiences, can impact sexual functioning. It can create unrealistic expectations about sex, affecting sexual satisfaction and performance.

• There have been reports linking excessive pornography use with sexual dysfunctions, such as erectile dysfunction or decreased libido in real-life sexual encounters.

Compulsive Behaviors and Addiction-Like Symptoms:

• Neural plasticity can contribute to the development of habit-forming behaviors. For some individuals, pornography use can become compulsive, sharing similarities with addictive behaviors.

• These compulsive habits can interfere with daily life, relationships, work, and overall well-being.

Impact on Relationships and Social Life:

• Excessive porn use can lead to issues in romantic and sexual relationships, including decreased sexual satisfaction, secrecy, or feelings of inadequacy or betrayal in partners.

• It can also contribute to social isolation, as individuals may prioritize porn consumption over social interactions and relationships.

Changes in Attitudes and Beliefs:

• Repeated exposure to certain types of pornography can influence one's attitudes and beliefs about sex, gender roles, and relationships, potentially fostering unhealthy or unrealistic perceptions.

Mental Health Implications:

• There can be a correlation between excessive pornography use and mental health issues like depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem. However, the direction of this relationship (whether porn use causes these issues or if individuals with these issues are more drawn to pornography) is not fully clear.

Healthy Porn Habits

DIY PORN

Create pornographic content of yourself, your lover, your sexual experiences etc. Always ask for consent before filming and make sure you are conscious with who you share your body on camera with, revenge porn is REAL!

SIMULATE NATURAL STROKES

Include slow, sensual strokes of your penis, ones that are similar to those that you would experience during sex. Alternate between hard and fast and slow and rhythmic with a focus on what you feel will be naturally occurring in partnered pleasure (remember pornography does not represent what natural partnered pleasure will entail- they are ACTING!).

SIMULATE LUBRICATION

Be sure to use lubrication while stroking your genitalia so that the sensations you feel are similar to the sensations you will feel while experiencing partnered pleasure. When in partnered pleasure there will either be saliva in the mouth, yoni nectar from the yoni or lubrication used in the anus, so get used to the feeling of slipperiness.

SIMULATE GRIP

Hold and stroke your penis the same way the yoni will be gripping your penis- no death grip! Access pleasure with this kind of touch and pressure.

SIMULATE POTENTIAL SCENARIOS /VIEWS

When watching erotica, try to find images that will be similar to those that you will see in real life, such as a person from behind, a person’s face close up looking at the camera, first person view footage in general.

There is a great website called Beautiful Agony that films people’s faces while having real orgasms so that you can be more connected to what a real orgasm looks and sounds like, versus what actors and actresses create on film.

MOVE BETWEEN EYES OPEN AND EYES CLOSED

Try to go internal as you are self pleasuring as much as you can. Recognise your pleasure, feel within your body, feel your hand, your penis, your anus, your skin.

MOVE YOUR BODY Switch up the positions in which you self pleasure as you have your session, don't just sit in your chair with your computer in front of you. Stand up, bend over, stand straight, stretch, lay down, use thrusting motions, hop on all fours etc. You may like to use a fleshlight and place it in positions that simulate having sex with a vagina.

BREATH CONSCIOUSLY & DEEPLY

Try to avoid holding your breath, and instead use your breath to move your energy around your body with deeper breaths.

FOCUS ON FEEL-GOOD PORN

A lot of the time, people can feel depleted or even icky after using porn. Try to find porn that makes you feel gooood afterwards! I highly recommend using feminist porn such a Foreplay Films for more realistic and wholesome porn scenes.

HAVE A 2:1 RATIO (minimum)

Explore self pleasure without porn on two successive occasions, and then explore self pleasure with porn on one occasion. aiming towards increasing the space between porn usage with more frequent self pleasure without porn.

INCLUDE YOUR PARTNER IN YOUR FANTASIES

While watching porn, you can also bring in some fantasy and include your partner.

Or, you can create scenes and role play with your partner where they can act out some of your favourite fantasies and porn scenes. You may like to use lingerie, props and tools for this, or simply your imagination.

EXPLORE OTHER OPTIONS

You can add to your sexual toolbox by exploring other forms of erotica such as smut novels (Christina Lauren & Tessa bailey are good places to start, Read Aurore is also a nice juicy place to read smut) and audio erotica, my FAVE is Dipsea.